A bit of a lengthy one so maybe grab a cuppa! I feel like I have so much to get off my chest thats been hard to talk about so here it is a post about my pregnancy journey so far which has been such a crazy roller coaster ride that I know is different for everyone!
Josh and I fell pregnant pretty quickly after getting married (2 months haha) which was a little bit of a surprise because you just never really know how long it takes to get pregnant these days as you hear of so many peoples struggles!
We are having a little girl and couldn't feel luckier to be blessed with becoming parents!
Currently 26 weeks, she is due October 23rd only 5 days before our one year wedding anniversary!
We wanted to start a family pretty soon but always said we would just see what happens and not focus so much on trying if that makes any sense!
I found out at 6 weeks when I couldn't get out of bed one Monday which was a little out of character as I'm quite a morning person, I felt extremely tired even after waking up close to lunch time.
I then decided to take a test at home and sure enough two dark blue lines appeared right before my eyes while still sitting on the loo!
I have been extremely lucky to not have been physically sick at all through my pregnancy yet, the first trimester other than the tiredness was such a breeze!
I probably had 2 or 3 days where I was mildly nauseous but really nothing to complain about at all thankfully.
I felt in a really good head space and over all just so excited about the journey to follow. I have always imagined pregnancy as such a beautiful happy time and in that first trimester I was feeling all the warm fuzzies in complete pregnancy bliss!
The second trimester has been a lot more of a struggle for me which I was not expecting as I seemed to breeze through the first, not physically but emotionally.
To put it plainly I feel like I've been losing the plot!
Im pretty sure its the hormones but the past month I feel as though I have been in a really dark place, not feeling myself at all, very anxious, worrying and a lot of crying for no particular reason.
Asking myself why have I been feeling sad when I haven't been sick in any way?!
Then comes the guilt for feeling sad without a reason...
This has put as real strain on our relationship as I have found it really hard to talk about how I am feeling going through the ups and downs, Its even hard to put it in writing!
I know that for Josh at times he feels as though he's walking on egg shells around me because I have been SO sensitive and take things to heart really easily.
He tells me its her testing me to see if I am strong enough, she's dong a good job if thats what it is!
As the waves of emotions come and go poor Josh has been amazing and very supportive even though there have been times when he's really confused as to why I have been so down and not my usual happy/relaxed self.
He still tells me he loves me everyday even when I've been a psycho emotional pregnant mess. How did I get so lucky....? :)
Feeling this way and not having any control over it or just simply snap out of it I've been asking myself will I feel this way once the baby arrives?
Its such a worry and really has been weighing heavy on my heart.
Even those of you that know me personally might not be aware I have been feeling this way, I admit its hard to open up completely and talk about with the fear of people not understanding.. I don't even understand it myself!
Pregnancy insomnia has really kicked in over the last month so a real lack of sleep some nights I think is a big contributing factor to the up and down emotions.
Waking up as early as 3am and not being able to fall back asleep is the absolute worst, especially when the baby isn't even born!
Looking up I have been feeling slightly better this week an Im really hoping that its just a little phase of blues and the third trimester is a little happier! Only 14 weeks to go
Ive always been pretty independent with working for myself but recently have been feeling more alone than ever.
Since moving to auckland a few years ago I have found it a real struggle to make close friends, don't get me wrong I have met lots of amazing people through social media and a handful through work but at the end of the day when you don't have those solid friendships when you really need them.
I'm hopeful that I meet some fab new mums in my anti natal classes or can form a coffee group with new mums because I know how important it is to have that friend support once baby arrives.
Pregnancy is always portrayed as such a happy time and there is a lot of talk about the "baby blues" once your baby arrives but I haven't heard a lot about feeling this way while pregnant.
I know this isn't my usual beauty related post getting all deep and meaningful, might seem a bit negative to read but life isn't always amazing and thats ok!
I keep telling myself its OK to not be OK!
There is always light at the end of the tunnel in this case a beautiful baby girl <3
I will finish up here but will do another update before she arrives I have got a few more pregnancy related posts up my sleeve so stay tuned for those!
Pray for my sanity will you ;)